Choose the Road Less Traveled

The Path of Intimacy is a road less traveled. And it will make all the difference in your marriage.

The Road Less Traveled

I’m happy to announce that today my new Kindle book The Path of Intimacy is officially released! I have to admit that I’m extremely excited about this book.

I’m excited because I’ve seen first hand the heart’s desire of so many couples over my many years in marriage ministry. There is a universal longing to discover a deeper connection on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. So many yearn for it. Yet so many struggle to find it.

That’s why I wrote the book.

The Road Less Traveled

Robert Frost’s famous poem The Road Not Taken ends like this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

The journey into deeper intimacy in your marriage involves one pivotal choice, followed by a million little choices made on a daily basis.

Choose Your Path

The first and most important choice is to choose to take the road less traveled. The Path of Intimacy is not the easiest path. Sadly, it’s not the path most commonly traveled, either. But choosing this path will alter the entire course of your marriage.

Choosing the Path of Intimacy starts with a choice to make intimacy the primary goal of your marriage. That is indeed an uncommon choice. Yet it’s an extremely crucial one.

Choosing to make intimacy the number one goal of your relationship changes everything–much more than I could cover with a single post.  But let’s take a look at just one example of the impact of such a choice. It’s a common situation in many marriages: unmet needs.

For many, marriage is primarily about having their own needs met. If that were true for me, when my wife neglects my needs, I’m going to withhold from meeting her needs and withdraw until I get what I think I am due. It’s only fair. I’m justified. If my wife were to take the same stance, she would respond by further withdrawing or by giving me the “silent treatment,” which means my needs will continue to be unmet. Thus, we a cycle that leads to the Path of Separation, each of us fixed in a pattern of withholding and withdrawing.

Now, let’s take the same scenario, but instead, I choose to make intimacy what matters most. Instead of withholding or withdrawing, I actually step toward her, looking for ways to maintain our connection by focusing on what will make her feel most loved and cherished. I choose to trust that her heart is for me, and I extend grace to her in areas where she isn’t fully attending to my needs. We can communicate knowing we both want to love each other well and that we care for each other.

This choice is not a panacea. It doesn’t mean I never feel hurt or neglected. It just means that I know that grace is always an invitation to intimacy. And I have decided that intimacy is what matters most. In most cases, grace is a much better change agent than are criticism and judgment. There is no guarantee my needs will get met, and I am not showing her love in order to get love from her, but I do it because it’s a deliberate choice and the way God calls me to love her.

A Million Little Choices

Keeping your marriage on the Path of Intimacy involves many daily choices to focus more on your spouse than on yourself. It means choosing to stay engaged when it would be easier not to. It means learning to express love in the ways that are meaningful to your spouse and then having the discipline to actually act on them consistently. It means finding delight and pleasure in giving delight and pleasure to each other.

If this post resonates with you, if you have a longing for deeper intimacy and a stronger connection with your spouse, I urge you to start (or continue) down the Path of Intimacy. I hope in doing so, you’ll consider getting my new book. Read it. Then put into practice what you learn.

I promise it will make all the difference.

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From Your Current Location to an Intimate Destination

Your journey into deeper intimacy starts with figuring out where you are.

GPS Intimacy

Do you remember the days of MapQuest and folded paper maps? I’m glad those days are behind us! Today we all have a GPS in our pockets, purses and cars, giving us immediate and accurate navigation with just a few clicks. A GPS is a fabulous navigational tool.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had the same kind of tool for our marriage relationship? Enter the destination “Deeper Intimacy” and click the “find route” button and the app would list out step by step instructions for steering your relationship to this destination.

Chart Your Course

The intimacy in your marriage is on one of two paths: The Path of Intimacy or the Path of Separation. There is no middle ground between the two where you simply manage your degree of separation. Intimacy is organic and alive, and it simply doesn’t work that way.

You probably know whether you and your spouse are currently on a path that has you growing together or on one that has you growing apart. Either way, chances are good that you both wish you had more intimacy in your marriage. All the research I’ve done and polls I’ve conducted in the past seven years point to the fact that intimacy is the one thing that everyone longs to have more of in their marriage.

Unfortunately, the “Route to Intimacy” app doesn’t exist, but I have created an online tool that will at least help you assess your “current location” as it pertains to the level of intimacy in your marriage. I’ve developed the Intimacy Assessment to help couples take an honest look at how well connected they are in several key dimensions of intimacy: emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial. There are separate assessments for husbands and wives, each with 25 multiple-choice questions. After submitting your answers, you will receive detailed scores in each area of intimacy as well as a total score and summary assessment. You will also get a copy of your results by email.

To get started on your journey into deeper intimacy, I encourage you (and your spouse) to take the Intimacy Assessment by clicking on the appropriate button below.

H-Assessment Button

W-Assessment Button

 

 

 

A Guide Book

I developed the Intimacy Assessment as part of the launch of my new Kindle book, The Path of Intimacy, which will be released in just a few weeks. I wrote this book to help guide couples as they seek to build deeper, long-lasting intimacy. I’m very excited about this book and the help it will be to so many marriages!

The Path of Intimacy is the first book in my Igniting Intimacy series, which I’ll be releasing throughout 2018. I can hardly wait to share all these new resources, which I hope and pray will strengthen your bond with your spouse and inspire you to reach the destination you’ve always dreamed of. for your marriage.

Stay tuned next week for more details!