7 Ways to Help Your Wife Feel Beautiful

A Men only Monday post

Make it your job to make your wife feel beautiful every day.

Make Her Feel Beautiful

Today I’m speaking to husbands concerning their wife’s body image struggles. This is a follow-up post to my Wives Only Wednesday post from last week, 6 Things Wives Need to Know About Their Body Image Struggles and the subsequent post 10 Ways to Overcome Body Image Issues.

Let me cut right to the heart of the issue: It is your job to make your wife feel beautiful. Every single day.

How do I make such a bold claim? Because you are to love your wife as Christ loves the church, and that’s exactly how Jesus treats us.

All that he does in us is designed to make us a mature church for his pleasure until we become a source of praise to him—glorious and radiant, beautiful and holy, without fault or flaw; a bride fully prepared for him. Ephesians 5:27 TPT

In the footnote concerning the word “beautiful” the author of The Passion Translation, Brian Simmons, writes, “5:27 The Greek word for radiance (endoxos) can also mean “gorgeous, honorable, esteemed, splendid, infused with glory!” This is what Christ’s love will do to you.” And by extension, The Bridal Paradigm implies that your love should beautify your wife in the same way.

So the biblical mandate to “beautify” your wife is clear. But how?

1) Tell Her – Daily

As I stated in my post, “Your Wife is in a Body Image Battle,” your wife is bombarded daily with messages that cause her to dislike her appearance. Movies, television, magazines and advertising all contribute to a false portrayal of beauty that makes women feel “less than.”

You may be her only ally in her battle against negative self-image, so it is your job to tell her loudly and clearly just how beautiful she is. Pay her a compliment about her physical appearance every day or more. Even if you told her an hour ago, she’s stopped believing it already. Compliment her outfit, her sense of style, her hairstyle, or speak admiringly of your favorite body part(s). Let her know how much you appreciate when she wears something just for you. Seek opportunities to praise her beauty (tactfully and appropriately) in front of others.

2) Pursue Her

Never stop pursuing your wife. Yes, she is already yours, but that doesn’t mean she no longer desires to be pursued by you. Flirt with her. Take her on regular dates. Cross the house to kiss her for no reason at all except that you wanted a kiss. Make love regularly – it actually changes her brain chemistry in positive ways.

Understand your wife’s love language(s) and be purposeful in attending to her love needs in ways that are meaningful to her. Her love needs are likely completely different than your own, so be a student of what makes your wife feel loved and regularly act in accordance with what you have learned.

Do little things every day to make her feel adored. Cherish her daily and don’t make the mistake of thinking occasional grand gestures are enough. They aren’t.

3) Adore her Inner Self

I know this post is primarily about your wife’s self-image over her physical appearance, but your wife is much more than just how she looks. Make a point to admire her inner beauty as well. Notice and express appreciation for who she is inside. Compliment her personality, her generosity, her intelligence and her spiritual insight. Remind her what a good friend/daughter/mother she is.

4) Touch Her

Even if physical touch is not one of your wife’s love languages, it’s an important ingredient in making her feel loved and adored by you. Non-sexual touch releases oxytocin, which causes her to feel more connected to you. Hug. Hold Hands. Snuggle on the couch. Put your arm around her. Give a foot or back massage.

5) Adorn Her

Encourage your wife to spend money and time on herself. Buy her a special outfit or surprise her with jewelry once in a while. Again, even if gifts aren’t her highest love language, make room in the budget for her to buy some nice things. Encourage her to splurge occasionally on some more elegant lingerie – or buy it for her yourself. If this feels out of your league, check her sizes in her closet and drawers, and ask for help finding something tasteful yet beautiful at the local lingerie store.

6) Look at Her Through the Eyes Of Love and Desire

Allow your wife to see in your eyes the love and desire you have for her. Give her a wry, appreciative smile when you catch her undressing. Lock eyes with her while you are making love. Flash her a loving smile or give her a wink across a room full of people. Approach her, staring into her eyes with a passionate look, and press your body to hers before moving in for a kiss.

7) Never Give Up

Many wives will try to refuse your compliments or argue back. As hard as that is, especially if she is ardent in her opposition, don’t allow her negative reactions to discourage you in your efforts to make her feel beautiful. It won’t be easy but stick to it. Be consistent. Let her know that she doesn’t get to decide how you feel about her. Even if she argues, she still wants and needs to hear your words of affirmation.

Every woman is different, so not all of these will be helpful for all wives. The main thing is to be aware of your responsibility to make your wife feel beautiful and to be deliberate in your efforts.

4 Things Your Husband Wants You To Know About Your Appearance

You are going to have a hard time believing these. Believe them anyway. 

Feel beautiful

In the past week, I read several good posts by female bloggers addressing the important topic of a body image. These were all written by women and all for women. I thought I would chime in and add a male perspective to this discussion.

I’ll point you specifically to the blog “Hot, Holy and Humorous,” which has two posts that are both excellent. The first, “Facts and Figures,”  gives some data to back up the fact that what you think is average appearance is probably not average. She encourages wives to love the body God gave them. The second post, “Husbands – Help Us Feel & Be Beautiful,”  is obviously directed at husbands, explaining how they can help their wives’ win body image battle.

In a similar vein, I did a post last summer directed at husbands, “Your Wife is in a Body Image Battle,” that continues to be quite popular, even a year later. It’s a must-read for husbands.

Today, however, I want to specifically address wives and give you a little insight from your husband’s viewpoint.

1) Your husband wants you to feel beautiful.

Yes, I know there are exceptions, but any good-willed husband wants his wife to feel attractive, even if he isn’t very good at saying the right things at the right times to help you feel that way. That also means he wants you to believe him when he does pay you a compliment instead of trying to refute it. Instead, make a habit of thanking him.

2) Your husband already knows the parts of your body you don’t like.

There is no point in repeatedly pointing out every flaw, every time you dress and undress, as if you are trying to convince him to just accept the fact that you really are an ugly duckling. He isn’t going to accept it. And you really don’t want him to do you? Stop the negative self-talk; it only reinforces your wrong thinking.

3) He likes your body.

Whether you are fully clothed, in frilly lingerie or completely naked he likes to look at you. He is a visual creature, so let him look! Encourage him to look by dressing and/or undressing in front of him. Pick clothing or lingerie that you know he finds alluring on you – even if you don’t necessarily agree with him on that point. Have sex with the lights ON, and learn to be “naked without shame” before your husband (this is a term I use that refers back to God’s original intent for couples back in the Garden of Eden.)

4) Your husband will be attracted to you as much by your confidence as by your appearance.

This may be the toughest one and is probably the most important. Doing some of the things above will help you with the “appearance of confidence,” but I encourage you to go even further. It requires going beyond believing that your husband thinks you are beautiful, beyond stopping the negative self-descriptions, and beyond letting him enjoy looking at you. It requires a new way of thinking about yourself and your body. Loving your body, imperfections and all, is the very foundation of confidence.

 

It’s not likely that a single blog post is going to transform your self-image or get you to love your body and see it the way your husband does. But the first step is to determine in your mind to do something about your body image issues for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. It’s time to do battle!

For a little further reading and inspiration, see the article “20 Reasons Why You Should Love and Appreciate Your Body,” on YourTango.com (Caution: YourTango is not written from Christian world view – browse with discretion)

Husbands, did I miss something above that you want your wife to know about her body image?