You are going to have a hard time believing these. Believe them anyway.
In the past week, I read several good posts by female bloggers addressing the important topic of a body image. These were all written by women and all for women. I thought I would chime in and add a male perspective to this discussion.
I’ll point you specifically to the blog “Hot, Holy and Humorous,” which has two posts that are both excellent. The first, “Facts and Figures,” gives some data to back up the fact that what you think is average appearance is probably not average. She encourages wives to love the body God gave them. The second post, “Husbands – Help Us Feel & Be Beautiful,” is obviously directed at husbands, explaining how they can help their wives’ win body image battle.
In a similar vein, I did a post last summer directed at husbands, “Your Wife is in a Body Image Battle,” that continues to be quite popular, even a year later. It’s a must-read for husbands.
Today, however, I want to specifically address wives and give you a little insight from your husband’s viewpoint.
1) Your husband wants you to feel beautiful.
Yes, I know there are exceptions, but any good-willed husband wants his wife to feel attractive, even if he isn’t very good at saying the right things at the right times to help you feel that way. That also means he wants you to believe him when he does pay you a compliment instead of trying to refute it. Instead, make a habit of thanking him.
2) Your husband already knows the parts of your body you don’t like.
There is no point in repeatedly pointing out every flaw, every time you dress and undress, as if you are trying to convince him to just accept the fact that you really are an ugly duckling. He isn’t going to accept it. And you really don’t want him to do you? Stop the negative self-talk; it only reinforces your wrong thinking.
3) He likes your body.
Whether you are fully clothed, in frilly lingerie or completely naked he likes to look at you. He is a visual creature, so let him look! Encourage him to look by dressing and/or undressing in front of him. Pick clothing or lingerie that you know he finds alluring on you – even if you don’t necessarily agree with him on that point. Have sex with the lights ON, and learn to be “naked without shame” before your husband (this is a term I use that refers back to God’s original intent for couples back in the Garden of Eden.)
4) Your husband will be attracted to you as much by your confidence as by your appearance.
This may be the toughest one and is probably the most important. Doing some of the things above will help you with the “appearance of confidence,” but I encourage you to go even further. It requires going beyond believing that your husband thinks you are beautiful, beyond stopping the negative self-descriptions, and beyond letting him enjoy looking at you. It requires a new way of thinking about yourself and your body. Loving your body, imperfections and all, is the very foundation of confidence.
It’s not likely that a single blog post is going to transform your self-image or get you to love your body and see it the way your husband does. But the first step is to determine in your mind to do something about your body image issues for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. It’s time to do battle!
For a little further reading and inspiration, see the article “20 Reasons Why You Should Love and Appreciate Your Body,” on YourTango.com (Caution: YourTango is not written from Christian world view – browse with discretion)
Husbands, did I miss something above that you want your wife to know about her body image?