From Your Current Location to an Intimate Destination

Your journey into deeper intimacy starts with figuring out where you are.

GPS Intimacy

Do you remember the days of MapQuest and folded paper maps? I’m glad those days are behind us! Today we all have a GPS in our pockets, purses and cars, giving us immediate and accurate navigation with just a few clicks. A GPS is a fabulous navigational tool.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had the same kind of tool for our marriage relationship? Enter the destination “Deeper Intimacy” and click the “find route” button and the app would list out step by step instructions for steering your relationship to this destination.

Chart Your Course

The intimacy in your marriage is on one of two paths: The Path of Intimacy or the Path of Separation. There is no middle ground between the two where you simply manage your degree of separation. Intimacy is organic and alive, and it simply doesn’t work that way.

You probably know whether you and your spouse are currently on a path that has you growing together or on one that has you growing apart. Either way, chances are good that you both wish you had more intimacy in your marriage. All the research I’ve done and polls I’ve conducted in the past seven years point to the fact that intimacy is the one thing that everyone longs to have more of in their marriage.

Unfortunately, the “Route to Intimacy” app doesn’t exist, but I have created an online tool that will at least help you assess your “current location” as it pertains to the level of intimacy in your marriage. I’ve developed the Intimacy Assessment to help couples take an honest look at how well connected they are in several key dimensions of intimacy: emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial. There are separate assessments for husbands and wives, each with 25 multiple-choice questions. After submitting your answers, you will receive detailed scores in each area of intimacy as well as a total score and summary assessment. You will also get a copy of your results by email.

To get started on your journey into deeper intimacy, I encourage you (and your spouse) to take the Intimacy Assessment by clicking on the appropriate button below.

H-Assessment Button

W-Assessment Button

 

 

 

A Guide Book

I developed the Intimacy Assessment as part of the launch of my new Kindle book, The Path of Intimacy, which will be released in just a few weeks. I wrote this book to help guide couples as they seek to build deeper, long-lasting intimacy. I’m very excited about this book and the help it will be to so many marriages!

The Path of Intimacy is the first book in my Igniting Intimacy series, which I’ll be releasing throughout 2018. I can hardly wait to share all these new resources, which I hope and pray will strengthen your bond with your spouse and inspire you to reach the destination you’ve always dreamed of. for your marriage.

Stay tuned next week for more details!

 

The One Thing Your Marriage Needs Most This Year

Here’s to a happy, intimate 2018!

I regularly run surveys among my readers to keep my finger on the collective pulse of the couples who follow my blog. The survey I am currently running  asks the question, “What do you want more of in your marriage right now?” (You can take it now if you’d like to have your answers included in the results.)

I’ve asked a similar question in a number of surveys over the years, and the answer always comes back the same: couples want more intimacy most of all.

What Couples Want

In the latest survey results, when asked to give the top 3 things they want more of in their marriage, 9 out of 10 respondents indicated a desire for more emotional, physical or spiritual intimacy. Over half placed one of these as their number one need, and almost half picked more than one form of intimacy as a top three need. I’m probably safe in guessing that intimacy comes in high on your list of marital desires as well.

A surprising finding from the survey is that men and women don’t differ in their desires as much as you might think. In fact, the top three needs of men and women were exactly the same and in the same order. Men and women both picked sexual intimacy as the number one need in their marriage (though not in the same percentages), and both picked spiritual and emotional intimacy as their number 2 and 3 needs, respectively. Chances are you and your spouse are longing for the same things.

So if seemingly everyone desires more intimacy, why are so many couples struggling to find it?

In Search of True Intimacy

People define intimacy in many different ways. Some say it’s a feeling of closeness and connection. Others say it’s about sex or romance or both. The Bible has a slightly different take on intimacy:

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:24-25

Here, at the very creation of marriage, God defines what it means to be one flesh. It means living naked and unashamed. That’s what I describe as being fully known and being totally loved. This is intimacy at its core.

In my post, Keeping Your Marriage Strong for the Long Haul, I summarized the quest for intimacy this way:

Intimacy is the antidote for the roommate syndrome that wrecks so many marriages. Intimacy reaches its zenith when we are fully known (weaknesses, warts and all) and completely, unconditionally loved. Intimacy is the main goal of every marriage (in all forms: emotional, spiritual, sexual, financial, etc.), and God built us with an innate desire for intimacy; intimacy with Him and intimacy with our spouse. I also believe God designed us with a huge capacity for intimacy and that we can continue to grow closer together regardless of how long we’ve been married.

Not One Thing But Many Things

Make it a goal to journey more deeply into intimacy with your spouse in the year ahead. As you do, keep in mind that true intimacy involves the entirety of your being. It isn’t just about improving your sex life, or getting more regular about going on dates, or spending more one-on-one time talking and really listening, or learning to pray together.

It’s about all of it. Everything.

Don’t be overwhelmed by that thought. What it really means is that there are lots of ways to build intimacy. Pick an area and start making small changes toward more fully knowing each other by being more transparent and showing your heart to your spouse. As you both open up to each other more, respond with unconditional love and grace.

You are probably thinking, “Easier said than done.” True. But as you start with small steps, you’ll begin to see the fruit of every effort you make in the direction of a deeper, more intimate connection.

Praying that you and your spouse have a happy, intimate 2018!