Has your marriage ever hit the doldrums? It happens to almost every marriage at some point. You fall into comfortable routines. You get distracted with the busyness of life. Stress steals your energy and focus. But hey, you figure you can work on your marriage later, when things aren’t so crazy or difficult.
Let me encourage you not to buy the lie of “later.” Because when later never comes along, you can wake up one day and find that you and your spouse are little more than excellent roommates.
Choose Your Path Daily
The truth is that your marriage is on one of two paths: the Path of Intimacy or the Path of Separation. You and your spouse are either growing together or growing apart. There is no middle ground.
What does it take to keep on the Path of Intimacy? Well, it actually takes less than you might think. Mostly, it just requires paying attention and staying off of auto-pilot. You can keep growing closer with the smallest of intentional actions, done on a daily basis.
One of those intentional actions is to add a regular dose of fun to your marriage.
Adding fun to your marriage doesn’t have to be a huge burden. Fun does not need to be expensive or time-consuming. Below is a list of easy ways to interject additional fun into your everyday routine:
Laugh Together – rent a funny movie, listen to some (clean) comedy, or search YouTube for funny clips together. We like the YouTube comedy channel called “Kid Snippets” from the folks at Bored Shorts. A few fun marriage-related skits are Marriage Counseling , Marriage Problems, and Wedding Jitters.
Food Fun – Try out some new or exotic foods, cook a special meal together, or have a bed picnic. If you are both foodies, watch a show on the Food Network.
Fun & Games – Jenni and I really enjoy playing games together. Try out different games until you find a few that you both consider fun. Two of our favorites are Carcassonne and Can’t Stop , because they both work great with two players and we are empty-nesters.
Fun Tunes – Buy a few songs or an entire CD of an artist you both really like. Queue the tunes up on a decent sound system, grab glass of wine (or other favorite beverage) and sit together to listen through the songs. Talk about which tracks you like best and why.
Bedroom Fun – There are dozens of ways to add fun into your sex life. For example, try out a new position, a new location or something else you’ve never done before. If something doesn’t work out quite as you planned, laugh it off and scratch it off the list. If you both enjoy it, add it to your sexual menu. Need some new ideas? Try “101 Nights of Great Sex“, full of sealed secret seduction scenarios, 50 for him to do for her and 50 for her to do for him.
Spiritual Fun – Yes, there is such a thing a spiritual fun! We love going to worship concerts. Sign up for the mailing list of your favorite worship groups to find out when they are coming to town. While many of the Christian movie productions are too poorly produced or too trite and cheesy for my taste, there are a few that are very worthwhile. (Sorry, I don’t make movie recommendations, because tastes vary too greatly!). Talk about the movie afterward.
Date Night Fun – Take turns planning date night surprises for each other. Or plan something together using this list or pick something from your “fun box” (see below).
Sleeping Fun – Try sleeping in a different room of the house. Switch sides (or ends) of the bed for a night. Have a backyard camp out.
Kissing Fun – See my last post for a dozen great kissing ideas. Take the 10 minute make-out session challenge in that post. I dare you!
Gaze at Beauty – Beauty feeds the soul. We love the mountains, though we don’t get there often enough. Maybe you have a local park or botanical garden that will do the trick. Go for a hike if you have a nice place to trek close by. If you find city-scapes beautiful, seek out special locations from which to view your city.
Surprises – Surprises are great fun for most people. Bring home a favorite dessert for you to share. Buy your spouse a new scent. Write a love note and stash it where your partner will find it later. It takes more planning, but kidnapping your spouse for an overnight getaway creates a lasting fun memory.
Get Physical – Have a pillow fight or wrestle together on the bed. Go for a long walk. Rent a tandem bike or kayak. Doing something that requires physical exertion has double benefit of being good for your body as well as good for your relationship.
Family Fun – If you have kids, let them in on the fun too, though it is good for the two of you to have fun alone together as well.
Fun Friends – Are there another couples that you always laugh with when you get together? Plan a double date with them or invite them to dinner.
Be Sporty – If there is a sports team that you both follow, watch a game together, or even better, if time and money allow, go to a game together. Even better than watching a sport is to do one together. Golf, tennis and biking are great couple sports.
Making it Happen
So there you have a bunch of fun ideas – no more excuses! The possibilities are endless! But how do you make it actually happen?
First of all you have to agree together to make fun a priority. Next, you need to get specific about it. Put a plan in place. Maybe you can have a designated night of the week that is “fun night.” You could take turns planning fun activities or plan them together. If weekly is too much, put a few days a month on the calendar, and decide what you are going to do.
Another idea is to create a giant fun list then put each fun activity on a separate slip of paper and put them all in a jar or box – a fun box, if you will. When fun night comes around, pick one of the slips at random and do what it says.
However you decide to do it, do it! Be intentional about adding fun to your marriage.
Add your own fun ideas to my list. Leave a comment.
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